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The 5 Best Drunk Foods For 5 Dumb And Drunk Moments That Will Probably Happen This Weekend

Stay safe this weekend, and make sure you remember these five life-saving drunk foods.

Look, no judgment here, these things sometimes happen. And with Oktoberfest and a whole load of other reasons to get in trouble this weekend, some of us are more than likely going fall into one of these five dumb, drunk moments. But no need to fret, it’s widely known that drunk food not only instantly makes you feel physically better, but will help you to emotionally manage all those really dumb things that you just did.

So don’t be afraid to get out there and get a bit messy, good food fixes everything. Well, most things. They most definitely don’t pay for destroyed property or medical expenses or legal fees but we can all agree the world would be a way doper place if they could.

#1 You show up to Oktober fest in your best lederhosen or dirndl and immediately down an unjustified amount of hefeweizen. After deciding to let loose on the dance floor, you polka so hard you accidentally injure multiple on-lookers.

Look, injuries are just going to happen whenever German dancing is involved. It’s one of those unwritten laws of the universe, right up there with cats landing on their feet and Samuel L. Jackson’s acting career. They’re constants that we can always count on. So what if the festival organizers have given you a warning and are now constantly supervising your every move and have banned you from the dance floor? Sit the next few songs out and refuel with a Bahama Mama sausage from Schmidt’s. By the time you finish chowing down you’ll have forgotten all about it. Unfortunately, that means you’re probably going straight back to the dance floor to repeat your mistake. Hey, life is short and concussions build character.
Where: Oktoberfest Fair Grounds, 717 E 17th Ave, Columbus, OH 43211

#2 Your team just lost so you thought it was a great idea to invest in another (read: 17) beer(s).

You’re out watching the game and things didn’t go quite as expected. Whether it’s a bad call by an official or your team is just giving away points, you decide to eat the ‘L’ and console yourself with a few more drinks. Go ahead, let yourself weep into your drink, but when you decide to come back to the world and you need a pick me up, try some comfort food. The country fried chicken will have you all cheered up in no time.
Where:  Tip Top Kitchen, 73 E Gay St, Columbus, OH 43215


#3 You told yourself you’d only go out for a few drinks on the local pub’s patio to enjoy the afternoon. Now it’s bar close and your shirt is missing.

We’ve all done it, decided to take advantage of those awesome brunch mimosas, fully intending to just have a couple before heading home for Netflix and a mid-afternoon nap. Then, eight hours later, you suddenly find yourself having a heartfelt conversation with a complete stranger and you have no idea what time it is. Try a Dirty Frank’s Brisket & Slaw dog. Not only will it taste like heaven but it should get your internal clock up and running again.
Where: Dirty Franks, 248 S 4th St, Columbus, OH 43215

It’s a Brisket + Slaw Dog kind of Friday! #tgif #columbus

A post shared by Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace (@dirtyfranksdogs) on

#4 You just belted an ear-piercing rendition of “The Chain” by Fleetwood Mac. You think you crushed it. You did not.

You put all of your feelings and work stress into that blistering Fleetwood Mac cover only to get back to the table and have all of your friends grimacing and clowning on you. Whatever, what do they know about art anyway? Soothe your hurt feelings with your very own bouquet of chicken, coleslaw, and waffles from Forty’s Chicken & Waffles. Its crispy chicken goodness will never judge you. Chew on this bad boy and enjoy your own solo performance of “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion.
Where: Forty’s Chicken & Waffles, 2593 N High St, Columbus, OH 43202

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#5 You have no idea which bar you left your cell phone at so you text a bunch of your friends to see if they’ve found it… on the phone you’re convinced you’re missing.

If this happens to you then pack it up and call it quits. It’s time to get you and your hot mess, Katy-Perry-performing-Swish-Swish-on-SNL life together and take a quick 10-hour nap. But not before devouring a whole slice of Mikey’s Late Night Slice Pizza Dawg. Trust me, it’s so chocked full of that life-saving vitamin-grease that you’ll feel reinvigorated enough to get up and going in no time. Like, don’t though. Seriously, call it curtains Streisand, your number’s over babe.
Where:  Mikey’s Late Night Slice, 268 S 4th St, Columbus, OH 43215, 1030 N High St, Columbus, OH 43201, and 15 E Duncan St, Columbus, OH 43202

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